A creative crisis, a physical health crisis, and an emotional crisis all conjoin around a mid-life crisis around turning 40 years old. These crises lead to a total collapse and doubts over the choice to make films, doubts about the actual filmed image and its necessity, questions about belonging, and an emotional abrasion of all that has taken shape up to this point in his life. Meanwhile, the basic want drives the director, namely to arrive at a simple truth from which one can find meaning and carry on living and creating.
This work corresponds with Sivan's debut project from 2007, Soap Opera of a Frozen Filmmaker, which documented Sivan's struggle to receive recognition and become a filmmaker. Soap Opera of a Filmmaker With His Back To The Light shows the transition from becoming a filmmaker to post-success and ensuing crisis. After achieving his goal and in the midst of actual creative work as a filmmaker, he considers leaving it all behind. A moment before turning 40 years old, he ponders on this intermediate stage, the middle of the journey of his life, thoughts that are cinematic, in the sense of him writing that which is in his mind and turning experimental poetry into film.